Your face. Your face is always what draws me to want to kiss you. Touch you. Hold you. Caress you. The youthful squint in the small forming lines around your face. Your blue eyes that shine so rarely but when they do… still cause my heart to melt. Your face is trouble for me. It causes my reason and boundaries to waiver.
I watch you often. Feel as you move thru a room, in the woods or in the kitchen. I know intimately the cadence of your steps. When you’re rushing, anxious and when you’re without agenda.
I felt your open. I felt your soften. I felt your attempts to slow and steady the pace. I felt your let go. I left your soften. I felt your pull back. I felt your fear. I felt your sadness. I felt your vulnerable emerge. I felt your heart attach to your history. AND I felt your unwilling to choose.
Doing this is how I find the tune… or Attune my SELF. Listening for where in the ether or physical world we connect. Our future. Our present. Our past.
There is a sweet familiarity to me. I sense that we have done this before. And …It feels like you ], as a gift to me, never lasts long in any one lifetime but serves as a reminder. A practice territory for me to go thru the exercise of remembering my value. My worth. My SELF. This is hard to acknowledge and accept.
Logically I can look at the content of our world and know clearly that this time around, in these bodies and at this time… It can’t continue. Wrong time. Wrong Story.
The places inside of me that are wired for fantasy and the “almost” relationship could drag this out. Pull, tease, cajole and make my self less. I want to let go. Let go with grace and Deep Trust. I want to know inside of my cells that I am heeding the call for a more aligned life and that it will all be OK….
And, the ghosts of my trauma and the consequence of my wiring has me stalling, dragging, hoping wishing, wanting and waiting.
I am choosing to let go, soften, and align. AND I will take you with me in my bones. The memory of your face. Your steadiness. Your glimmers of Joy. Your toddling along the shoreline in your element.
your face.
