Return to site

My story of PLEASURE

Recently I have been exploring the notions of PLEASURE in my world. A dear friend held last year to be her year of PLEASURE. I watched as she navigated her world in a curious and unsure way. At the end of the year, she came out with a fury. We gathered together in circle and what she had to say, evoked something magical in all those who witnessed her. I couldn’t not know the word PLEASURE after listening to/feeling her excitement. I couldn’t not be curious and have a sense of wonder after hearing her declarations, ah ha moments and truth. In conversation with another mutual friend, we decided that it was time to invite the Magical Spiritual Sensual SELF conversation to Lethbridge.

During this exploration into a more connected and sacred way to experience our Magical Spiritual and Sensual SELVES, I have really come to see where and how I have been skimming the edge of possibility in all matters of PLEASURE. How I have been denying mySelf a most luscious and extraordinary life. This week I have been putting to words, all that brings me PLEASURE. Each day I add a few more words or phrases or specific experiences to this project. It is FULL and excites me. The more I add to the list, the more I realize how I have deprived mySelf of a fun and yummy way to live. PLEASURE was NOT something that was welcomed in my growing up years. To luxuriate in something so much as to create PLEASURE was frivolous, unrealistic and quite frankly, dangerous. When I was “too much” of anything…. happy or excited or pleasuring….I was stopped, shushed, sent away or shamed.

The real world did not call for a life that produced PLEASURE and in fact to PLEASURE mySelf often had a connotation of “sexuality”. It was a very small and tight restricted experience. PLEASURE was not something to be sought after or encouraged. It was a by-product of sex if you were lucky enough to experience it that way. What I have discovered, in my recent explorations, is that the majority of what brings me PLEASURE has nothing to do with sex or sexual acts or my sexuality. It has to do with my present and mindful choices. My willingness to tap into a sensual experience and a sense of wonder. The lengths to which I am willing to smell, taste, hear, feel, and intuit, dictates how much PLEASURE I receive or emanate.

I am finding PLEASURE in the most surprising contexts. BEing with my children, even as teenagers, offers an experience of PLEASURE. When my youngest son laughs uncontrollably at his own jokes, when my daughter comes running upstairs to share her most recent video of herself and is crying because she loves it, when my oldest son stops to allow his own tears and comes out the other side…..All examples of moments that I feel PLEASURE. I feel full and satiated. I feel moved and connected to my sacred. I feel Happy and full of possibility. All expressions that go hand in hand with the PLEASURE that I feel.

The smell of a campfire, someone playing with my hair, floating in water, the feel of new lotion on my body, the smell of burning incense or sage, gentle kisses, my nephews contagious laughter, my nieces fanged smile, clean sheets, a feel/sound of my favorite record playing, spontaneous dancing in my pjs, the hot hot sand under my bare feet, cheese and pickles and my hands sunk into a rich SOIL.

There is no rubbing or touching or licking or biting or penetration inside this PLEASURE that I describe here. I experience this PLEASURE inside where I live. I feel whole and full of life. PLEASURE is a requirement for my life now. Where it was held as frivolous and not practical before, I now feel that it is essential to my experience of ME. PLEASURE is my birthright. It is a gift given to me , by ME, at birth that I am allowed to feel deeply and tap into PLEASURE whenever and however I want. It is an active and luxurious devotion to mySelf for the sake of MYSELF! A promise kept, a warm and kind revelation, a gut wrenching laughter with sacred intent. PLEASURE done this way is in alignment with the RIG I hold for mySelf. ( Respect Integrity and Generosity of Spirit). It isn’t dirty and wrong. It isn’t a violation to my body or essence. It is deeply respectful and fun. It evokes curiosity and a deepening of my relationship with who I am and who I am becoming.

I feel like at 41 years old I am discovering mySelf in a more fun, yummy and curious way. What brings me PLEASURE? What is PLEASURE? What does PLEASURE feel like in my body where I live? How else could I experience PLEASURE? Be specific and curious. What would it feel like to celebrate and cherish yourself such that PLEASURE was a way of BEING?

All questions I intend to continue exploring for mySelf. I know that there is more to this story of PLEASURE and am so stoked to see what else emerges.